You Know You Work for an A&E When

You Know You Work for an A&E When

You Know You Work for an A&E When:

1. You find yourself regularly asking people “Now, what part of this complaint fits into the Accident part or the Emergency part of A and E? Because, sorry, I really do need it to fit into one of those categories to let you see a Doctor…”

2. You see any person with a welfare card as your “employer”

3.You and all your friends work for an emergency service or a hospital

4.You marry an Ambo, Nurse or Doctor (sometimes if you want to step outside of this routine you may marry a Cop)

5.It drives you absolutely nuts when someone asks you if you ever think about going to university so that you can make medical decisions on your own.

6.You know that when a kid has been injured the person who will take up most of your time managing at the scene will be the parent, regardless of how sick or injured the child is

7.When a patient arrive at your ED and your first impression is, Umm why have you come here?

8.You thrive on serious trauma (and no, a paper cut doesn’t count a serious trauma people!)

9.You know that Full Moon = Insanity.

10.When you’re always checking out peoples’ veins for IV access.

11.Unconscious = cooperative.

12.You’re up at 2:00 am on Facebook, all in a day’s work.

13.Random phones and buzzers send your heart into VF

14.You get back pain just looking at really fat people!

15.Your dinner conversations often migrate toward that really messy trauma or explosive diarrhea call and you won’t lose your appetite.

16.If you’ve ever conducted a practical joke using oxygen tubing.

17.If you have use lignocaine gel on people’s phones, car handles or any door handle

18.If you find skipping with an oxygen tubing a good form of exercise

19.When your home first-aid kit consists of OP airways, maternity kits and bag and masks!

20.When your quick remedies kit for a hangover includes: 1L of Hartmann’s and a Maxalon

21.When you’ve wanted to hold a seminar on ’Suicide – How to Get It Right The FIRST Time.”

22.When you have come to the conclusion that you are sicker than 3/4 of the people in the emergency department

23.When you wash your hands before using the bathroom.

24.When you are watching TV and get annoyed and point out all the inconsistencies of the TV medics.

25.All your “funniest” stories are considered vulgar and disgusting

26.You tell the best story ever, and you’re the only one who can see the humor in it

27.“LOL” doesn’t mean “laughing out loud” but rather it means “little old lady.”

28.You have at least one “things up people’s butts” story.

29.You often finish a story with “and then he died”

30.When you think you did a great job… even though the patient still ended up dead

31.You’re covered in some bodily fluid or another more often than not and it doesn’t bother you.

32.You’re tempted to use “oxygen therapy” on all annoying people, not just patients: an O2 tank over the head fixes everything (especially in combative patients).

33.You want to throw something at the TV when they shock assystole on some TV show.

34.When a patient arrive in your ED and a relative says that you will need a chair because the patient can’t walk – umm… I will make that decision!

35.When you come home in a clean uniform after a shift and your spouse automatically becomes suspicious of your whereabouts.

36.You remember every patient by their injury or disease and not their name.

37.You describe a hospital gown as a “nice backless number”

38.You know every party illicit drug ever invented and what the “popular” ones are this week

39.You believe that most occupants of an MVA don’t have a spinal injury

40.Believe all patients lie

41.Although, unable to speak any other language, are adeptly fluent in all hand languages to signify that if the patient can walk into the Emergency Department, they can walk to the see the Doctor!

42.You know that its easier and more accurate to check a patient’s medications than to ask them what previous medical illnesses they have.

43.Have been caught out at some stage by suggesting that you will decide if a patient can walk or not, only to find that they have a broken leg.

44.You class CPR as one of your weekly exercise workouts

45You’ve described a patient who has suddenly died as having made “a good innings”

46You’ve made jokes, which you have honestly thought were funny, about a funny way in which a patient has died